Chief Bridget Adaku Duru-Society Changer

Chief Mrs Bridget Adaku Duru is a woman of many parts, a dedicated worker, society builder, committed to helping lift souls. The ever smiling lady, CHIEF BRIDGET ADAKU DURU-SOCIETY CHANGER was born in Kaduna to Mr. and Mrs. Alphonsus Igweche from Awo-Omamma Local Government Area of Imo State, Nigeria. I was actually born in Kano but my dad fought in the Second World War and came back to marry my mother, a young girl. After getting married to her, he sent her to a convent school in Oguta while he went back to the warfront, later came back and wedded her in July 1956.

We left Kaduna during the Nigerian/Biafra Civil War, after the 1996 coup and came down home to the East. That was the first time we were coming down eastern Nigeria. Since we were born, we never came home and it was interesting because, we knew our village, other relatives and villages around, We were happy to be home. life was not as rosy as it used to be. Because of the way things were during the war, I know that there were raids; airplanes used to come and raid villages and some towns, so we were living in fear. I registered with the Nigerian Red Cross Association and was working with the International Red Cross then at the Awo-Omamma Community Hospital

How old were you then?

I was 17 years old. I was working there and was able to help my family and a lot of people in my community through the relief materials we were being given. However, we were not paid but at the end of every week, they will share food to compensate us for the work we were doing. I will bring it back, my mother will take her own, share with her neighbours and children there. We were able to help them. So most of them did not suffer from kwashiorkor because then, there was no salt anywhere, so it was the stock fish that they used to bring, that had salt on it, and we were distributing to people so that they could have salt in their food. For that reason, many of the children there did not suffer from kwashiorkor.

Before the war ended, I left the Red Cross job and went to Oguta. Before then, my father actually wanted me to marry one – Mr. Barnard Amanfo, the son of our traditional leader, Mr. Amanfo, a very well-known prominent man.

But I was too young. I told my father I wasn’t going to get married, that I wanted to go to school. He said I could always go to school if I get married but I said no. The man was older than me by far and I didn’t have any admiration for him. My father wasn’t very happy. He wanted to be the in-law of a very prominent person.

I told him that I wasn’t going to succumb to that pressure. He said that as long as he was alive, I was going to marry that man. What I did was to pack my things and leave for my grandmother’s place to live with her. I never came back.

Later, we had an occasion in Oguta where I met Mr Samuel Ekezie, a naval officer. We fell in love and before you knew it, the war ended. As soon as the war ended, I went to school at Aba.-Wilcox Memorial Grammar School. I was living with my cousin Jude Ojiakor. Second year, there was no money for school fees anymore and during that time, I had to visit my then boyfriend, Samuel. By the time I came back, I noticed I was pregnant and the man’s family so loved me because he was an only son. His father had four other wives but his mother had one boy and three girls. So they were hoping to get a male child, luckily for them, when I delivered on October 23, 1971, it was a baby boy. The whole village was jubilating. They treated me like a queen; they couldn’t believe that it was happening. Everybody was happy. My mum came for the omugo. Later, everything became normal and Samuel left for Benin to go and work with Mandilas. Then I said I would not be there waiting for him so, I had to come to Port Harcourt through one of my sisters-in-law (May her soul rest in peace), Fanny Ekezie.

Where did you leave the baby?

I left him with my mother-inlaw. She was capable, young and able to take care of my son. I came to Port Harcourt.

At that point, I met one Mr Victor Kolade, a Yoruba man who was working in the Nigeria Agip Oil Company. I told him I wanted to work in Agip, that I don’t want to work in an oil servicing company because I learnt that they pay better than oil companies. After two weeks, he invited me for an interview and, I was lucky. As soon as I went for the interview, the results came and I passed. They employed me. That was how I found myself in the Nigeria Agip Oil Company.

What Year?

That was 1975. I was employed as a typist. I worked for two years-1975-1977 then told them I want to go to the university. While I was working, I sent money and provisions to my mother-in-law to take care of my son and I was helping them. When I said I wanted to go to the university, my parents said I should wait a little bit. I said no there is no time to waste now, that I have the mind to go to school. I went to the university, one Mr. Adeniran, a lecturer with the Rivers State University of Technology now Rivers State University, was instrumental to my getting the admission. What happened was that because I had a merit in Maths and Secretarial Administration, instead of four years HND, they gave me three years. I started from year two-they gave me exemption. And as God may have it, while in school, on long vacations, I would go to Agip to work to be able to earn some money before going back to school. Luckily for me, after the three year programme, I came out with Upper Credit and had to proceed to Lagos for my NYSC. At first they posted me to Jos but I did not want Jos. I wanted Lagos where I would be in the oil company. I went to the NYSC Secretariat in Jos and told them I was married and needed to be with my family and they sent me back to Lagos. When I came back to Lagos, I went to my company. They accepted me and allowed me to serve with them. After the NYSC, they now employed me as a secretary.

So, you joined Agip from Lagos?

I joined them from Lagos, second journey. I was in Lagos from 1984 to 1985 when they transferred me back to Port Harcourt because the company was transferring workers to its new headquarters. I was happy doing my job
As God would have it, I found favour with almost all my bosses. Anybody that worked with me would like to work with me. First, I worked as assistant secretary to the Project Manager, an Italian. When he left, another person took over and he recommended me to the new boss, that he should not allow them to redeploy me but kept me in the department; that I was very efficient. I was there until one day, the operational manager said he needed a secretary and they checked all the secretaries around, I was the only one who had an HND and I knew the job. So they recommended me to work with the operations manager, another promotion for me. I worked with the operations manager for about three years then the General Manager, Mr Sylvester Uwaechie needed a secretary. I don’t know what happened or what the secretary did, they said they don’t want her again. The General Manager just told my boss that he needed me to come and start working with him. That was how I became the General Manager’s secretary and I worked and everything was okay.

When I was working with him I met my husband, Dr Emmanuel Duru in his cousin’s house at GRA. He was a lecturer in the University of Port Harcourt. I went there with my mum to see them while he came to bring back children who went on holiday. My sister in-law, Lolo Victoria Ekezie now told him, ‘This lady is from our place and works with Agip’. As soon as he saw me he got interested in me and we got talking. That was all.
Next weekend he came to my house. I was surprised. I didn’t know he had collected my address from Sister Victoria informing her that he wanted my hand in marriage.

He told me about his life, in Moscow, that his European wife left because she couldn’t cope with Nigeria’s economic situation as she found it difficult to adapt and asked for divorce and he divorced her. He said he wanted to marry me. At that age, I wanted to get married. I said maybe this is the right man. That was October 1987.

You were what age then?

Thirty five (35). He proposed and I accepted. He told me he wanted to go to my village that weekend but I told him to wait till the next weekend when I would accompany him. The next weekend we travelled home and met my father. My father was very happy to meet him, my mother, everybody was happy. He told my father and my uncles that he came to know what it would take to marry me.

He went home and returned two weeks later with his people for a big traditional marriage rite. Everybody was surprised. They never saw me courting, only saw me getting married. They (Dr. Duru’s people) did everything.

Usually, in the Catholic Church, before you get married they have the bans of marriage that will be announced at least three months before you get married. When we came there, I told him that we have to follow the process. He said no, that we can talk to the Bishop. I was saying that even though, I also knew the Bishop, people in the village might say we needed to follow the rule. We went to Bishop Fitzgibbon, Bishop of the Port Harcourt Diocese at that time, who said we didn’t need any ban that we could wed. He used his power and he wedded us on December 19, 1987. That was how I got married to him. For the 25 years of our marriage, we were living peacefully. The marriage was blessed with five children-Chinedu,Nnamdi, Chinenyenwa, Ifeanyi and Nneka. Everything went well until he died in 2012 of leukemia and I had to, after the mourning, answer my son’s invitation to come over to the US for some time. But I was still visiting until I finally became an American citizen. While there, I was doing volunteer works to keep myself busy in order not to be idling about.

You had your first son very early.

At 19.

You must have encountered some pressures?

Eeh, I was able to cope because when you are in an environment where people accept you, it makes life easier. I wasn’t in my home but I was feeling at home. One of the reasons was because my mother-inlaw was very nice. She was a very kind woman who didn’t disturb; she will just say, “Bi, Bi”. My name was just like a household name. They were really nice and I showed interest. When they were going to the farm even though I had never farmed before, I followed them to the farm. I learnt how to farm. All the time we were in the North we never knew anything about farming. They would go to the farm, weed, plant, harvest, peel cassava, come and prepare it for garri. I was adapting to their way of life and that made her to be very happy.

Your being a volunteer during the civil war, what was it like?

It was not easy oo! It was not easy because we had to attend to wounded soldiers and most of them were amputees with their legs up. They will want to use the toilet, they could not get up. You had to get head pan for them, empty and wash it and even in the morning, I would get up, give them a bath, clean them up, make their beds and feed some of them. We used to rotate from ward to ward; sometimes they sent us to the theatre or to go and work in the casualty ward. We were usually on standby in case of emergency.

You were not afraid?

I wasn’t afraid. The only thing was that sometimes, Nigerian fighters used to come and throw bombs. Luckily for us, they never threw bomb on the Nigerian Red Cross.

Where was that?

In Awo-Omamma

That hospital is still there?

Yes it is still there. It is now a general hospital. It was only one day that they threw bomb, not in the hospital, but in the staff quarter near the hospital; one day only. That was the first time. They threw bomb and they killed about three persons. They never came again. They would however, come, hover and hover, sometimes you think they were going to throw bomb but they would not attack the hospital. I am sure they were obeying the international law.

Keeping the civilian spaces safe

Yes.

You were married for 25 years. What things did you learn about marriage from those 25 years?

Well, what I learnt is that for you to be happily married, your husband has to be your friend, your confidante and your husband at the same time. And you must have mutual respect for one another. Like, my husband sometimes, we agree to disagree so we did not have any serious quarrel any day. What I know is that you have to respect one another and you don’t have to allow any stranger into your relationship. Whatever you are having in your home, let it be in your home, don’t go and discuss your affairs with outsiders because you don’t know those who are envying you. Make sure you keep it in your home unless it is something good that you want people to know about.

Anything that is like a problem that you are facing, don’t discuss with anybody. If you must discuss, maybe you have a sponsor in the marriage, you can go to your sponsor to say, ‘Look at what is happening”. Their own is to advise you and guide you and normally, they do it very well. For you to get a sponsor in a marriage is not easy. That person has taken a vow to make sure that that marriage survives and works.

At 35 you had a good job. Usually, you have pressure from parents, society-you never marry? What are you waiting for? What will you tell young women and girls facing that kind of situation?

My advice actually, is this, don’t allow any person to influence you and don’t listen to gossip because when you begin to listen to gossips, you get confused yourself.. Know what you want and go for it because nothing that is good comes easy. You have to give something to get something. That’s my advice and then, you have to respect everybody; don’t think that because you are in a better position now, you can look down on people. No! You have to respect everybody because those you meet when you are going up, you will surely meet when you are coming down. So, anywhere you find yourself, make sure that you have mutual respect for everybody both small and big because respect is reciprocal.

What are your work principles like? .

In the first place, my work principle is punctuality. Agip resumes 7.30 am, but for me, 7.00am, I was in the office. I never recorded coming to work late for one day. Usually, when you come to work late, first of all, they would give you query, it goes into your file. At the end of the year, when they would do your appraisal, it would surface. So, I made sure that I was always punctual at work and when there was need for overtime, I would do the overtime. Know when to say no and when to say yes. Deal diplomatically with a difficult person. Don’t take advantage of peoples’ situations or somebody is looking for your trouble then you go and start fomenting trouble, No! Study those around you, what they like and what they don’t like, respect them and you will find that things will go easily for you.

You had a successful career life. Beyond punctuality what are some of the things that helped you?

Apart from punctuality, I had good relationship with my colleagues and helped bring about some changes to improve our work as secretaries which made them see me as one listening to them and championing their cause.

One problem women have is how to manage work and family. How did you manage leaving to be in the office by 7am meaning that you have to do extra work at home. How did you cope?

Well, I was able to cope because I planned very well. What I did was that first of all, when we got married, my husband was only living with the son. I got a cook because I knew that food is important in the house. I got a very talented and good cook to make sure that as I leave early, before I even get ready, I made sure that there would be food in the house. We planned very well. We sat down and planned the menu for the week and all I needed to do was give him the money. All my husband knew was that whenever he came back, his food was there, Nnamdi came back, he had his food. And to take care of the environment, we had a gardener who was taking care of the compound so, I didn’t have much problem as everything was based on planning. When I had my two other children, we engaged two nannies who took care while I was at work. Everything was in order and luckily for us, the children grew into good children. They did well in their Secondary School Certificate Exam and as God would have it, their elder brother, Chinedu filed for me to become an American resident which was approved. As soon as it was approved, I applied for them and their papers were authorized and the visa was also granted. I took them to America in 2016, they are all there now. Chichi, the girl is now married with two children while Ifeanyi is working in San Francisco Nnamdi is doing well here and married with three children. I have eight good children.

Wow! What will you tell women about building themselves up financially? How did you build?

The only thing I want to tell my fellow women about finance is that once you are in a marriage, let your money be your husband’s money, let your husband’s money be your money. For instance, when my husband met me, I was earning more than him because he was a lecturer. I knew how much they were paid. He showed me his pay slips when he brings it, I just laugh.
So, the good thing is that whatever you have belongs to both of you. Maybe, God is using you to bless the family.

You don’t have to be stingy or for instance, you have a problem to solve financially, you know that your husband does not have that type of money and you have, then you keep quiet. You want him to go and borrow outside? That is not fair now! No, the money is for everybody, as long as you manage it judiciously so that you do not lack.

I know that you have a soft spot for helping people and you even have a charity organization. What is the driving force?

By nature, when I look at you, I can tell whether you need help or not and I don’t have to wait for you to ask me to, I will volunteer what I know I can do for you. Most of the people are receptive, when you give them a helping hand they accept. You know some people may have but will not want to give, rather they want you to beg and some may be in need but will not want to beg. They will say let them die in their poverty.

Tell us about your charity organization

All my life I have always had a strong passion for the needy. When I retired from service, I said, what am I going to do? One mind said business, another said you like helping why don’t you set up an NGO where you will be able to help as many people as possible. I said fine. I discussed this with my husband who said okay if you have the money. I said just support me first. I have made up my mind and that it what I want to do. I consulted my friend Constance. We put our heads together. She actually designed the name-Volunteers for Orphans, Youths and Widows Empowerment, VOYE and to rang a bell. We registered the organization with the Corporate Affairs Commission and started our projects on skill acquisition, health and education matters,, helping the poor. And so far, we have been able to save lives, address infrastructure decay in some community schools, empower over 200 youths and widows for self-reliance. We have also established contacts in Imo, Anambra, Delta States with Port Harcourt as head office. We have been able to use our resources to help the needy as indicated in our objectives and we are working on it.
What are your plans right now?

Right now, the first thing among what we plan to do by God’s grace is to bring some youths and women, empower them as we did before but this time, get experts who can teach them how to acquire skills like soap making, find out what it will cost, pay and they learn this skill very well to help them gain financial independence. Because people are using soap, detergent so if we can get them to learn this skill very well, it will help. Nigeria is a big nation, once you package something like soap-liquid, detergent or tablet- very well, if it is good, people will buy. Then for the children in school, if we are able to offset some of the school fees, and if we have enough money, buy book and distribute to them.

For the widows (most of them are looking for loan) we don’t have enough money for loan but if God blesses us and we get enough money as we are expecting, we will be able to finance some of these widows who, are looking for money to start one business or the other but don’t have the capital. Our focus is on making life easier for the vulnerable ones in society. We must acknowledge those who believe in our cause and have supported us along the line we are grateful and look forward to more resources to enable us do more.
That is a noble cause, changing society from your own end. Well done. It has been a pleasure chatting with you.